


walk the line

by chariiots



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, tbfh i really do just hate myself for not knowing when to stop writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14210193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chariiots/pseuds/chariiots
Summary: According to Sae Nijima, love is a game. Throw a dart, see who you fall in love with, use your heart as a betting chip, make sure that you don’t lose the game.Or; in which love lies on a fine line, and loving may just be a balancing act, something that's far too complicated for teenagers.





	walk the line

It just so happens that Goro Akechi is one pretty boy, and honestly, the whole of the Phantom Thieves has to agree. With overflowing charisma and charm, it’s no wonder that he’s hailed by the public as the detective prince. If it were up to Akira, he’d be treated like a prince too. Yet, that doesn’t stop Ann from wanting to smack Akira on the head for staring so blatantly at him every single time they see him. Literally, even when they walk past him, Ann can see Akira’s eyes trailing after the boy pathetically.

At least Akira acknowledges this, sitting opposite her and burying his hands in his face at the mere mention of Akechi. He’s utterly hopeless when it comes to having appropriate crushes like normal teenagers, who’d end up liking one of their classmates or their seniors or _something_. Normal teens don’t nearly hook up with a shady doctor or crush on a probably-yakuza gun-shop guy twice their age. Then again, in comparison, developing feelings for someone who’s helping in the manhunt for them sounds so much tamer.

“You know you can’t like him. He’d arrest you the moment he finds out.” Akira looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, his lips quirk upwards slightly as he sighs. It’s clear that he knows the consequences, but honestly, nothing stops Akira Kurusu.

He gets up and shuffles behind the counter, offering to make a cup of hot chocolate for her. Denial. “You can’t keep avoiding it, Akira!”

He busies himself with his apron anyway, purposefully ignoring Ann. With his back to her, she wouldn’t be able to guess how he was feeling if not for the fact that this is Akechi they’re talking about. She wouldn’t be surprised if he’s fed up with her right now.

Okay, so maybe she may not know how he feels entirely, but she knows damn enough that getting near Akechi puts him at far too much risk. It’s common sense, but Akira still chooses to ignore everything she says like the idiot he is.

The chimes at the door ring and Goro Akechi walks right in, ending the conversation quickly. “I’m not disturbing, am I?”

Well, he is, and if it was up to Ann, she’d chase him out right now. But, this is not her home, not her shop, and technically _none of her business_. Hence, she shuts up and turns away.

Akechi intentionally leaves a seat between him and Ann. Maybe out of respect, maybe out of disgust, who knows? Akechi is full of secrets, and it feels like he never lets down his television facade. With such a prim and proper boy, there has to be something that he’s hiding, especially since he seems so… flawless.

Akira must see this too, right? He must have the same suspicions as her, but she doubts he really cares. For now, everything is nothing more than a simple suspicion. There’s nothing to base it off of, so she’ll just have to trust Akira to know when to step back. Though, the more that Akira stares at Akechi, the more uncertain she is that he knows where to draw the line.

* * *

According to Sae Nijima, love is a game. Throw a dart, see who you fall in love with, use your heart as a betting chip, make sure that you don’t lose the game.

This is a game that Goro will never win. He knows, he knows the only way to guard his heart is to keep Akira at a safe distance away from him because there’s no way that he can win this. He’ll never be able to get Akira to love him back, so the next best thing would be forcing himself to fall out of love. Cut his suffering.

Love isn’t anything important anyway. If he was able to get by the past seventeen years with barely any affection, he’ll be fine now. He doesn’t need Akira to love him back. He doesn’t need the love. Every single person who’s crushed on him always ended up losing interest rapidly anyway. There’s just no point trying to pursue a relationship in a world with people so artificial, with people who refuse to see him as anything more as a genius, the detective prince, a pawn in a giant chess game.

His brain isn’t his only organ. His ribcage doesn’t only contain his lungs, even he wishes it was that way.

* * *

According to Makoto Nijima, love is a more complex feeling than one can imagine if you’ve never felt it before. It’s the feeling of flowers blooming in your chest, words caught in your throat as you can’t stop smiling like a fool just at the thought of them. All you want to do is see them happy, even if it’s at the expense of your own. (It’s a feeling he suspects she feels around the fluffy hair third-year who always hangs around the rooftop.)

As much as she wants to tell Akira that this isn’t love, that this is just infatuation that he’s pointlessly drowning himself in, she knows it’ll just be a lie to placate herself. She isn’t a blind idiot. He’s toeing the line between crush and love, a dangerous balancing act that will end in a disaster no matter what.

This is Goro Akechi we’re talking about, the boy who guards his heart with a million walls. Even after multiple conversations, Akira still can’t get anywhere further than coffee and the weather, sometimes about the phantom thieves’ recent case if he’s lucky. But it’s so clear that he’s a lonely person, the kind to push everyone around him away in his misguided wariness.

All caution can be thrown into the wind for all Akira cares, or at least, to a certain extent. He isn’t about to go expose the phantom thieves just because of his stupid little crush. It’s not like he’ll be able to say anything anyway, with how his tongue ties and his stomach knots itself the moment Akechi comes into proximity. If only he was able to choke out anything more than snark and lousy small talk, maybe he’d have Akechi’s number by now.

Every single reason that he can find to defend himself, he knows it’s all excuses. His head is up in the clouds as he free-falls, and sooner or later, he’ll feel the impact of the ground again. Until then, he’ll enjoy the moment.

* * *

So, Goro Akechi takes the same train as him on the way to school. Sue him for not knowing sooner, but he only realized after he started going to school earlier to help Haru with her garden. Then again, there’s really nothing to complain about. Even though he has to see Akechi every single morning and feel attacked by fate, at least Haru provides him with some sense of peace and lets him vague about his crush to her. 

“He’s just… attractive. and I still don’t know how to talk to him. Some thief of hearts, huh?” Akira scoffs as he walks up to the rooftop with her, hauling a sack of soil on his shoulder.

“You could try making small talk?”

If only she knew who he was talking about. She’d never be this supportive of them  “I’ve tried. It’s useless, I think he just isn’t interested in talking to me at all.”

Haru hums as she fills up her watering can, lost in her own train of thought. Maybe it’s about her own issues, maybe it’s about her own crush, how would Akira know? Her presence itself is enough for him to feel comfortable, enough to keep him babbling non stop about his stupid crush.

“Akira-kun, if you ask me, this sounds a bit like love,” Haru chimes in after a while. Akira holds back a scoff at how ridiculous it sounds, but Haru… Haru seems to know a lot more than him about this. He’s not gonna ask how, but she just seems much more perceptive than she initially let on. “It isn’t healthy to hold in your feelings for too long!”

“Thank you, but I really don’t know if I should tell him?”

“Ah, I get it. Don’t worry, I believe in you! you’ll charm Akechi-kun for sure.” Her enthusiasm is… appreciated. But how does she know that it’s Akechi? Did he accidentally mention it?

“I… I guess?”

“Maybe you should give him something to start a conversation. Confess, even. It'll help you get over him sooner,” Haru offers kindly.

“Like… flowers for him?” Flowers for Akechi. Akechi, holding a small bouquet of roses, or maybe daffodils? Those seem to suit him quite well. All Akira can think about is if Akechi has received flowers before, if he’d like them. Maybe he doesn’t like those from his fans? It sounds very much like him to dislike expensive flowers which hold little to no thought behind them, claiming that a gift so insincere would belong better in the trash.

Akira wonders if he’d like them if they were from him specifically. “Hah, maybe.”

* * *

There is a phenomenon where we humans feel like we do more work than our counterparts. A study was published in the journal of personality and social psychology in 1979 and found that when 37 married couples were asked who did more of the couple’s shared tasks like housework, the total almost always added up to more than a 100%. We call this the self-serving bias.

Maybe, more aptly put, love is an inequality equation. There’s never going to be a way to balance it such that both sides are equal. Maybe this is why he fears falling in love with Akira. He fears loving more than he’s loved, because that makes him vulnerable.

It already feels like that.

How is he supposed to trust Akira so easily? Akira may end up as no better than the others, no better than his classmates who gawk at him because of his title, who beg for him to spend time with them just to weasel something out of him or shun and ridicule him for being so “pretentious”. How can he believe that Akira Kurusu isn’t like that at all?

Goro is not one to lie to himself. This is the boy he fell in love with, and it’s absolutely terrifying. Akira probably doesn’t like him back, probably would never love someone like him, not when he could likely get anyone that he desired.

What’s the point of sugarcoating things if love is just going to leave a bitter, bitter taste in his mouth?

* * *

Sakamoto, surprisingly, is the first one to confront Goro about it, leaving him sweating with fear and anxiety. Can you really blame him, though? A text from someone like him just saying “meet me at ogikubo tmr 12pm urgent” when they barely even know each other in the first place? How was he to know what Sakamoto wants from him?

They’re crammed into a tiny corner booth in a bustling ramen shop in Ogikubo, all at his request. The way Sakamoto stares at him while fiddling with his chopsticks is… mildly unnerving. It feels like he’s trying to delve as deep as possible into his mind, heart set on making him hit his breaking point.

“Hey, so… I want you to be honest here,” Sakamoto drawls, pointing his chopsticks at him. “What d’ya think ‘bout Akira?”

“I see you don’t beat around the bush.” Goro’s scrambling for something to say, something other than “Yeah, I have a crush on him, so what?” Yet, his dumb, traitorous mind draws a blank when coming up with excuses, or even a roundabout way of answering the question.

Apparently, his face gives it all away, with how Sakamoto’s scrunching up his nose in distaste. “Dude, for real? I can’t believe Futaba’s right! You have a crush on him?!”

Goro can feel his soul about to straight up leave his body in complete embarrassment. Is he really that obvious? And isn’t Futaba that orange-hair girl who’d hang around Akira a lot? If even she can tell, does that mean everyone else… Either way, there’s no point denying it anymore. “Please, don’t tell him. I don’t want him to avoid me over such a silly matter.”

Sakamoto is silent, casually digging into his ramen as if everything going on is completely nothing as Akechi’s stomach twists in nerves. He’s the one with the upper hand here, and it’s making him so uncomfortable, just knowing that he’s technically at Sakamoto’s mercy. The broth from his chopsticks flick off onto his hand like additional mockery as Sakamoto starts gesturing with them, and he frowns.

“Effin- wow. I didn’t know a detective could be so dumb. He likes you. Like, he wants to date you.”

What?

“I wanted to figure out your intentions ‘n stuff, but… You better not break his heart, clear? I guess it’s up to you now. Ask him out, yeah? Don’t make him wait too long- and you better make him feel loved!”

Sakamoto’s nervously fiddling with his chopsticks, bitter smile playing on his lips, and perhaps Goro doesn’t really know why. It’s not like they’re close or anything, so why would he approach him instead of Akira? Wouldn’t it be easier?

There’s really no reason to trust Sakamoto. For all he knows, this is just one cruel prank that he and Futaba came up with. But… it just doesn’t seem like Sakamoto to make such a joke, even if Goro technically barely knows him.

Clearly, he has his own nagging suspicions over Sakamoto’s odd behavior. It’s almost as if it would pain him to bring up such a matter to Akira. As if he’s putting Akira’s happiness before his own. Perhaps Goro knows why, but he doesn’t want to ask about it anyway. Although he doesn’t understand why Sakamoto would do this to himself, he might as well do this one thing for him.

“Of course.”

Sakamoto smiles back in a way that’s almost charming, if not for the blatant misery in his eyes.

* * *

As usual, Goro catches a glimpse of messy black hair before Akira disappears back into the crowd again, taking one- two- three steps away from him before turning around, as if looking for someone in the crowd. It would be easier to catch him at the platform than try to talk to him on the train, when everyone is crammed together and there’s no room whatsoever for any semblance of privacy.

It’s really now or never, huh? (Or tomorrow. Tomorrow sounds good too.)

The moment Akira notices him, Goro can feel his heart start to race, tension bubbling within him. Maybe he should just leave, maybe there’ll be a better day to do this? Look at the time! If he doesn’t get going now, he’ll be late-

“Akechi! I didn’t realize you take the same line as me,” Akira says. The fluorescent lights shine off him so unbelievably perfectly when all it usually does is make people look deathly sick, as if the whole world made a point to challenge and fluster him. He learned to pick his battles since young, but this, this is a losing battle that he has to fight to the end. He already has a crush on Akira- To hell with it, maybe he’s even fallen in love. He’s weaker loving someone who will never return the feelings than if he gets it off his chest and moves on.

“What a coincidence! I was going to ask you something-” Goro trails off as Akira looks expectantly at him, and holy- He’s never been caught off guard until now. His entire expression is disarming, leaving Goro shell-shocked and staring dumbly at Akira’s face.

Akira laughs, gosh, he laughs so cutely. “That’s quite a coincidence too. I was going to ask, do you want to go out with me sometime? Away from Sojiro- I don’t think he wants to watch me on a date,” he offers, and Goro Akechi can feel his heart fall out of his chest and straight into Akira’s hands.

“I… know a place in Shibuya if you don’t mind.”

The word “yes” has never been more relieving in his entire life.

* * *

Coming back to Le’blanc and seeing Goro waiting inside is a more than welcome sight now, a promise of comfort after a long day. It’s nice to see him and Sojiro getting along, sometimes even going to the extent of helping him do the dishes or serve.

Sojiro likes to joke that if he could tell the world that the detective prince was here working for him, he would just to help his business, but Akira knows he never means it. Sojiro would never take away this haven from the two of them, somewhere where prying eyes don’t linger for uncomfortably long.

“Honey, I’m home,” Akira calls out, but Goro doesn’t even look up.

“Honey? That’s new,” he mutters, but he doesn’t protest. Instead, he basks in the feeling of being called such a terribly corny pet name, waiting for Akira to press a kiss to his lips. “I think Futaba’s warming up to me. She and I managed to have a nice conversation without her feeling the need to run away.”

Akira’s never been one for a stable life. He’s more of a wanderer than anything, even back in his childhood. It was always about traveling out of his small town, hopping on trains for a weekend getaway with friends and seeking cheap thrills and looking for a place to belong. But with Goro, with everyone here in Tokyo, perhaps it’s time for him to settle down.

 

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh i'm so sorry ryu i did you dirty 
> 
> [prompt me!](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> social media: [tumblr](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/kamichuus)


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